The issue of feeling good can be a touchy one for large people and specially for large women. I have often coached women who report catching a brief glance of themselves at a shop window and their first instinct is horror and self rejection. Never mind, shop windows are not a very accurate mirror to start with...
Some even say they call themselves the most horrible and humilliating names in their own minds. In synthesis, the degrading language used by society (bullies, mags, the media etc) has been internalised and now the size plus person is seeing herself thorugh this lens. Internalised opression is the way trauma is still replaying itself in a person's mind and the way, a perpetrator or a mass manipulator makes people feel inferior without having to do anything. Internalised opression is also called 'negative conditioning'. I go as far as calling this brainwashing.
Brainwash almost half of the population to believe that curves are ugly and you will have a booming slimming industry getting fat.;-)
I remember sometimes arriving home reduced to tears just from the effects of my own internal dialogue. The thing is, i had become so used to it it felt natural...I didn't even notice i was doing it so i just imagined someone might have looked crocked at me or even worse I wrote myself off as an 'ugly, fat, undeserving' person. As you can imagine, feeling like this is no much fun and no matter how much love other people would show for me, how great i truly looked, or how great fun or fortunate the situation was, i was unable to enjoy myself.
I got to slim many times into a 'more acceptable' size 12/14(mostly trough starving )but a look at that dreaded window and the dialogue would replay again and again and again...
If you identify yourself with this let me tell you my dear friend: The time to stop the chain of self hatred is NOW. I am a great believer in Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. (to be continued in an hour...as i have to attend to some NOW issues)